Aw…Thanks for the nice compliments about my hair…you gals are all so sweet! And yes, Justin does have his redeeming moments…yesterday morning just happened to be one of them and I was feeling warm and fuzzy enough from the coffee to mention it. Now if he could’ve reminded me (1) before dinner, (2) after dinner, (3) before I ran out to the store at 8:30pm last night, (4) after I arrived home at 9:45pm last night, (5) before or after I made the baby’s bottles, or (6) anytime before 10:30pm that he still needed some white socks, I would totally let him off the hook. But um, getting a reminder at 10:30pm when I’m going to bed for the first time in weeks before 11:30pm was not cool. Especially since he does have the knowledge and physical capacity to start his own load of white socks and t-shirt and could’ve had them nearly done by the time I arrived home from the store. But instead, I got the “um, I still need white socks.” I look at him blankly, thinking, “is he FOR REAL? He’s kidding, right? I’m gonna open the laundry room and see that he did his own socks and is just teasing me.” Nope. So I start a small load of socks and t-shirts for him, then sit up reading until the washer finishes somewhere around 11:15pm, throw the clothes in the dryer, and go to bed at 11:22pm. And I better not hear one joke about that I actually did get to bed before 11:30pm because those 8 minutes do not mean crap in my book.

About an hour later, I hear Cooper up whining and talking to himself. I pull the covers over my head and will him back to sleep. No dice. He keeps talking and moaning and whining. Finally around 1:30am, after he’s had a good hour of entertaining me, he gets annoyed and decides he’s hungry. I get up, feed him, rock him for a while (he seemed really restless and I was not willing to bring him back to my bed), and got back to bed around 2:20am. I was not a happy camper this morning. Which is why I’m still whining instead of giving you some snarky letters to my fellow DC-area drivers. Okay. I’ll shut up now and not get into the conspiracy theory I have about Cooper changing alliances and now partnering with Justin in his attempt to keep me ridiculously sleep deprived. Just please excuse me if you hear any yawning or overt B-n-M (bitching-n’-moaning…not to be confused with BM, which is a nice way of say “poop”).

Dear Cancer Cultivator in the Silver Prius:

We have a lot of you little “green” cars around here. And I love it. I love that all of you have gone out and bought your hybrids for the sake of the Earth and your gas budgets. Virginia loves it so much that they give you cool “Clean Fuel” license plates and allow you the privilege of driving in the HOV lane by yourself! What I don’t love is that while I’m behind you in my little car, you are chain-smokin’ like a man on death row! I actually saw you light your new cigarette with the old one! (please, I’m crabby, no remarks about how close I was driving at 60+mph) The traffic wasn’t even all that bad…I’d hate to see what you do when there’s an accident and they close down 3 lanes. I am of the belief that all the smoke you had billowing out of your car windows completely negated your hybrid vehicle and that you should be banished to the regular travel lanes where the 30mph speed more warrants your anxiety-ridden chain-smoking.

Sincerely,

A Concerned (about my lungs) Driver

Dear Clueless Lady in the Red Jimmy:

Please, please, please, for the love of all that is sacred and holy (and whole), get your brake-lights fixed. You have to be aware from all the chronic brake-screeching behind you that you lack any sort of warning lights letting drivers behind you know that you are slowing down. I’m sure the gentleman in the Nissan between us would agree since he very nearly climbed into your back-seat. At first, I thought that maybe this was a new issue and you might possibly be on your way to get your brake lights repaired this very instance until I noticed that besides having expired license plates, your state inspection tag appears to be a bit over-due as well, meaning that more than likely you been having a great ol’ time watching in your rear-view mirror as the drivers behind you bug their eyes out in panic at your quick stops, like at that light where it just turned yellow as you approached the intersection. Any TRUE Virginia driver will tell you that you can run 6 or 7 cars through the intersection AFTER it’s turned red. Stopping is just a suggestion, not a requirement. And in your case, you (and the rest of us driving behind you) would be better off if you did run a few stale yellow (or even red) lights once in a while.

Kindest Regards,

A Concerned (about my front bumper) Driver

Dear Very Important Parent at my Sons’ Daycare:

I appreciate that you are in a hurry to get to your job and that the rest of us are simply schmucks. I understand that your need to park improperly supercedes any of the rest of us who need to park to drop off our children, because you are a VIP. I totally get it that I was out of line by getting out of my vehicle and trying to retrieve my baby from his carseat in the backseat while you were in the building and not-yet-in-your-car. So in light of your VIPness, I hope you appreciate the scratch down the side of your car from when you opted to walk out of the building, smile at me, hop in your car, start it up, and put it in reverse while I was still retrieving my child from my car. That scratch was a special gift from my car door to you. I guess I should also thank you for allowing me to quickly slam my back door and hop around behind my car before you popped off your passenger-side mirror and/or slammed my own door on my baby and me. That was incredibly decent of you and I hope you saw the gracious words of thanks coming from my lips.

Warmest Thoughts,

A Glad (to be alive? to have my car paid-off? to not have my baby caught in the car door like a white t-shirt? ) Driver

Hope everyone has a blessed Good Friday and a Lovely Easter!

This is something I’ve been meaning to write for a few weeks.  I just wanted to congratulate Virginia for only assaulting seven (7) Metrobus drivers in 2007.  This compared to twenty-one (21) drivers assaulted in Maryland and fifty-six (56…yes, 5-6) assaults in our nation’s lovely capital.  According to this article there were a total of 84 assaults on Metrobus drivers in 2007…an all-time high.  This would be hitting with an open hand, hitting with objects (sticks, bricks, etc.), punching, spitting, guns, knives, and attempts to fondle and/or undress the driver.  All I can think is WTH?!?!?  At least I can say that none of those 7 occurred in my county…since we don’t really have mass transportation in my county despite the fact that we are still one of the fastest growing counties in the nation (like in the top-10 or so).  If the Metrobus was extended out to my county, we would be hugging the drivers, bringing them coffee and treats because we might finally be about to save a little gas money by taking the bus.

So do ya hear me, Metrobus and Metrotrain???  Bring your buses and trains to PW county and we will love you and hug you and appreciate you, and beat-down anyone who attempts to assault your bus and train operators!   We’re only about 15 miles away from your most western bus line.  And if you brought the Metrotrain out to Ma-Nasty, you know you’d have nearly half the residents in Ma-Nasty and Western PW county take days off work to come help build the rail line…that would make those 20 miles of rail go really quick!  Really!  We promise!  Pullleeeeeeaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Can you tell I’m tired of paying nearly $40 every week to fill up my little car?  Don’t even ask Justin how much he paid to fill-up the truck…I nearly crapped myself and no need to nearly make some of you gentle readers crap-or-almost-crap yourselves.

Yes, I am a bit ill-mannered today…after a rough week of unfulfilling issues at work (hate when I just can’t get things fixed), bad traffic, severe sleep deprivation, and crabby kids, I was not about to put up with people’s crappy driving.

Dear Effing Sniggy B**** in the White Yaris:

I understand that where you need to be is WAY more important than where I need to be, so I apologize for my hostility when you tore-up the right-hand turn lane just to cut me off in the straight-lane next to you. I sometimes lose my temper when people completely forget the rules of the road and put other drivers at risk, which is why I shouted filthy profanities, gestured wildly, and honked my horn at you. Silly me, I forgot that even though I am only a half car-length behind the vehicle in front of me, going 50 mph, that you have the right-of-way to squeeze in front of me. Obviously I should have recognized your importance, what, with your bunch-load of scratches and dents on a vehicle that can’t be more than 2 years old (considering that your car model was first introduced with Toyota’s 2007 model-year).

Sincerely,

A Driver that is Glad Her Kids Weren’t With Her (No need for them to witness a royal smack-down at their young ages)

Dear Punk in the Red Explorer:

Maybe you’re illiterate. Maybe English is not your first language. Maybe you’re just a puffed-up idiot that thinks they’re too important to read the 5 signs that specify “Right Turn Only in Right Lane” or the 7 painted right arrows painted on the lane. Either way, since you think you don’t need to wait in line with the rest of us, you did not get to squeeze in front of me, who had been waiting in line patiently for the past 10 minutes. In a school zone. You should be happy that the police officer sitting near the elementary school didn’t see you and that I was too tired to tattle on you (and I totally would have! yeah, I was in that kind of mood!).

Sincerely,

A Driver Tired of Yielding to Self-Righteous Jerks.

Dear Knucklehead in the Ginormous SUV Behind Me in the HOV Lane:

I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated you driving so incredibly close behind me while doing 72mph in the HOV lane with my baby in the back staringat you. You were so close I could see in my rear-view mirror that your little soul patch is slightly crooked and that you have stained teeth. You were also so close that I couldn’t tell who made your SUV until when you decided to try to pass me even though there was no room in the lane next to us for you to squeeze in, nor was the traffic in that lane moving quicker than me in the crowded morning rush. I must commend you for your skill and willingness to ride my back bumper so close at such a high rate of speed–in fact, the only way you could’ve been closer is if I opened my trunk to let you climb on in. Next time I see you , I just might do that.

Sincerely,

A Driver Who Swears There Were Magnets on the Back of Her Car

Dear Roche at DC101:

Thanks for today’s Doo Doo Time Spectacular. I laughed hysterically through the first 10 bars of the song, which is what I needed after driving with the above-mentioned yahoos.

Sincerely,

A Driver Who is a Long Time DDTS Listener

Some of you may remember where I wrote a letter to my fellow Virginia drivers imploring them to get an EZ-Pass/Smart Tag. Well here is the pictorial equivilent of a “strongly worded, single-spaced letter of complaint”.

HEY!!!! GET A FRIGGIN’ EZ-PASS, YA LOSER!!!




OH CRAP! Since when does an officer stand right next to the toll booth lane? Wonder if he saw me spazzing out…?




Hiiiiii Offffficerrrr!

You’d think after being home for 3 straight days with a sick kid that I’d be able to post something.  You’d be wrong.  And I was wrong for thinking so as well, since said sick child screamed his head off if I got more than 5 inches away from him. 

So now that I’m back at work and the code release I was testing has been abandoned, I have a lot more time on my hands.

 Dear Various Co-workers:

I know when it snows it can be difficult to park properly in our parking lot since building management usually likes to wait for the snow to melt instead of removing it.  But there hasn’t been any snow on the ground in nearly two weeks, so I’m not sure why so many of you cannot figure out how to park your cars.  Are you in that big of a rush to arrive that you just screech into a spot?  Do you have poor motor (and motoring) skills?   I know it is not from a lack of driving experience, as 98% of the employees in this building are between the ages of 35 and 55.  Maybe none of you care about receiving dings, dents, and chips in your paint, and in fact INVITE such damage to your vehicle?  I can only imagine that this is the reason you park this way, because it’s certainly not to protect your car in a lot that is completely full by 9am (except for our 15 handicapped spots, which is a whole other story). 

How NOT to Park:

Thats my rear left tire next to the offending car…either that or park in someone else’s parking lot.

Sincerely,

A Co-Worker that is tired of squeezing into spots next to you (and too lazy to park 2 blocks away)