Tired

I cannot believe how tired I am. Of a lot of things. Seemingly everything.

  • I’m tired of driving all over Creation to bring my kids to daycare so that I can drive even further to work each day.
  • I’m tired of fighting my kids each morning to get out of the house, just to sit in the car for over an hour, so I can sit at work, then get back in the car for a 90-minute ride home at the end of the day.
  • I’m tired of getting home so late that I am stuck making really crappy meals in 15 min or less so that I have a chance of having food on the table by 7pm.
  • I’m tired of coming home after all day at work just so that as soon as the kids are in bed, I’m stuck working again on whatever day seems to suit the people who aren’t even involved in the work…whether it be one day a week or 4 days a week–they don’t seem to care that I have other responsibilities in my life outside of jumping through their last-minute hoops. Nor do they care that I have such very little time that actually belongs to me.
  • I’m tired of my house looking like crap day-in-and-day-out because I’m stuck working in the evenings instead of being able to straighten-up my house.
  • I’m tired of my husband being gone for a week at a time every other week. I miss him and the kids miss him.
  • I’m tired of Gavin arguing with me; tired of him not “wanting” me and only wanting his father, even when there’s nothing I can do to bring his daddy home each night (due to Justin’s constant training schedule).
  • I’m tired of Cooper throwing complete tantrums because he wants something to eat other than I’m offering at that time (that child has one nasty temper!).
  • I’m tired of feeling rushed all the time: rushed to the ENT, rushed to work, rushed to Speech Therapy, rushed to get dinner on the table, just rushed, rushed rushed.
  • I’m tired of being the only one taking the kids to all their appointments because I worry how it affects my job that I desparately need, and FMLA only covers so much (and doesn’t pay a dime).
  • I’m tired of looking at my paystub each payday and wondering where the money is going and why we don’t have any leftover to save.
  • I’m tired of trying to get my business back up on its feet–it never seemed to have recovered after Cooper was born since that’s when the cost of living skyrocketed and people’s mortgages jumped through the roof, leaving them with no money to spend on anything besides necessities.
  • I’m tired of worrying how hard the billing departments of the people associated with Cooper’s surgery are going to laugh when I tell them I need to set up payment arrangements that will keep me indebted to them for probably at least a year.
  • I’m tired of looking at my two options for health coverage for 2009 and wondering if I should allow myself to be wooed again by the cheaper premiums of the PPO and risk not having another outpatient procedure or ER visit that would cause us to be stuck making payments to cover their wretched deductible (which got worse since last year)? Or do I fall for the relative safety of the EPN that’s going to cost more than twice as much per month in premiums, but will cover nearly any medical situation we find ourselves?
  • I’m tired of wondering how the company I work for can continually allow themselves to be financially bullied by the union, and tired of wondering how much longer the management is going to take the job cuts, the pay cuts, and the benefit cuts, all while the unionized employees get guaranteed pay raises and free health coverage for themselves and at least three dependents.
  • I’m tired of taking a day off work for myself only to find all hell broke loose, leaving me with a mess and feeling as if I can’t take time off.
  • I’m tired of taking time for myself to do something fun, only to come home to all these worries and frustrations.
  • I’m tired of this that just decided after 6 peaceful, regular months to cause problems again and send me into another tizzy trying to find a product that WILL work.
  • I’m tired of feeling like I can never make anyone happy, that I can’t just get ahead of things.
  • I’m tired of being sleep deprived–partly because I can’t seem to fall asleep until well after midnight each night, and partly because I can’t seem to sleep soundly during the night.

Actually, I’m not even sure the word “tired” covers it; neither does “exhausted”. I think “done” would more adequately describe it.

About the Author

Colleen

This is a blog where I will share my adventures and mundane tasks as a work-out-of-home-mom. I now have 2 kids and my wonderful husband, so the juggling has gotten a little bit more tricky (man-on-man defense). We also have 2 dogs and 3 cats (we used to have 4) so as you can imagine, our household is pretty busy. Since I never feel like I'm being listened to, I figured I'll just start talking at the general Internet community and see what happens.

13 Comments

Madame Queen

I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time, Colleen. I swear I could have written this myself though, especially the part about “where did the paycheck go and how come we don’t have any to save.” You know, I used to say that I wish I could have a nervous breakdown and that they would put me in an institution because at least then I would get some rest!!

calicobebop

Oh my goodness, you are overwhelmed! I wish I could offer you a free babysitting pass or even a cup of coffee – wait make that a glass of wine. I’d love to offer you a great big glass of wine!

swirl girl

sometmes we all feel this way – stick a fork in me …I’m done too!

Krissa

Bless your heart! As far as the office people who work at the health care facility that has the $ owed them goes, they will take whatever you offer. And as long as you pay it on time, every month, it will never affect your credit. And here’s the thing: It can be $5.00. $10.00. Whatever you can manage. Throw extra at it when you can. Just do it every month.
Now, as for the rest, send the kids to me, run yourself a hot bubble bath and take a bottle of wine in there with you… Tell Justin where he can find you when he gets home and if he’s smart he’ll join you!

Oh, and just to let you know you don’t have to worry about blog fodder… I’m tagging you for a meme. Am I awful? It will be painless, (well almost), I promise! so head on over to my site and check it out.
I will pray for you TONIGHT!

Jesse

You just described the life and times of 99% of the moms I know. Some days I look around at the mess that is my home, the savages that are my children, a pile of safe haven projects and a wasted education bc the job I want didn’t hire me… and I just think, “Why? Why is it all so damn hard?” Then a little one surprises me with a hug instead of a tantrum, a baby is brought into a safe haven instead of a dumpster, and I remember, THIS is why. Because it’s all so worth it. All the hard work, ridiculous commutes and insanity inducing BC problems are part of what makes up this life. Hope you get something nice to bring about the shift in perspective. If not, let’s just meet for margaritas and foget all the deep, thoughtful stuff I just said.

Have you tried Yaz or Yasmine??

Valerie

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. As much as I love being a mommy, there are some serious downsides to the job too…and I think you listed just about every one of them. When you are feeling stressed, tense, worn out, over worked, and just plain done…remember there are lots of use feeling the same way – you are not alone.

*hugs*

Marti

Oh girl I can relate. I am tired as well. I hope things are going to improve.
But again, your not alone.

tammy

I feel ya, kiddo. I found myself half-seriously thinking that maybe I should go ahead and get my other foot operated on because at least I’d get to be unconscious during the surgery. Then I snapped back to reality and thought about chasing around an 8-month old while I was on crutches.

If it makes you feel any better, when I called our pediatrician to set up a payment schedule (for baby shots, not for anything that was an actual emergency, thank you stupid insurance that maxes out “preventative” coverage at about 50% of what it actually costs to immunize an infant during the first year… $#@!), the nurse told me that a lot of their patients are on payment schedules nowadays. I’m sure they won’t laugh at you.

Karen

I’m so sorry. I know those days, and sometimes there are few answers. Hang in there, God knows your situation and He’s got a plan. Does this make it easier? No. But at least you know there’s a reason for things and sometimes that helps.

caramama

Girl, I know just what you are saying and related to so many of your bullet points. In fact, the reason I didn’t comment last night when I was reading this, was because my little one woke up screaming and I had to go to her (at 10:30!!!!). I’m so very tired of not sleeping all night in my own bed.

It’s got to get easier at some point, right? We won’t always be this exhausted and done, will we?

jen

Colleen, this is a comment for “tammy” so pass it on if she doesn’t see it. Check out your county health department and find out their policy on childhood immunizations. At ours, the immunizations are free except for a $10 processing fee. This is $10 per visit and NOT per shot, so you can get all the necessary ones per visit. I’m in Missouri, so things may be different but it’s worth it to take a look. It doesn’t matter if you have insurance either. I had insurance but it didn’t cover any immunizations so I went to the health department for my son’s shots.

ascapecodturns

Hey Colleen, As you can see, I am too behind and am checking up on you. Sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed. You are in good company anyway. Hope things have gotten a wee bit better in the past week. As the boys get a little older, it will get easier. Try to find something funny in every day. And take a couple regular Advil before you go to bed. It allows my body to relax enough to get to sleep. Hang in there, Sue

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