Didn’t Realize I was Trying to Qualify…

Isn’t that what they do in races? Qualify? Or something? Eh, I dunno.

At any rate, I didn’t realize that this was my week to qualify for Superwoman. Or maybe it’s to qualify for Crazywoman and my poor, enfeebled mind has convinced itself otherwise.

Besides dealing with Cooper’s puke last Wednesday, my nearly-puke Friday, my ensuing nausea from Saturday through the present time, and Gavin’s puke-fest Monday, I’ve been having fun cleaning up pet puke. No friggin’ joke. I wouldn’t joke this late, at least not without some wine coursing through my veins. So there was some cat yak Monday and I stepped in dog yak yesterday (the offending dog was sneaking enough to yak Red Oak with a Natural Finish-hued yak onto my Red Oak with a Natural Finish hardwood floor. I also witnessed cat yak in one their empty food bowls this morning (ew!) and the fat one just literally launched his lunch off of the bakers rack where their food bowls are located onto my Red Oak with a Natural Finish hardwood floor. Oh, and after I fed Cooper his bedtime bottle, he realized he was WAY too friggin’ full and puked the overage (a lot, mind you…a good 1 to 1.5 ounces) onto my Red Oak with a Natural Finish hardwood floor. Let me tell you: I’ve never been so damn happy to have hardwood floors in my life! I also didn’t realize our family stomach bug had jungle fever and crossed the speciel-line. Figured that kind of fun was reserved for nastiness like Ringworm and Herpes. I’ve now put out an edict that the next mammal that so much as makes a puking noise (regardless if it’s a productive puking noise), will spend the next week sleeping under our deck with all the weeds and chiggers.

Next on the agenda is Colleen still up actively blogging at 11:30pm. That is because she has a conference call for work at midnight. And no, it’s not because I have a hankerin’ to have a chat with some of my co-workers in India. We are doing a kit drop (software release to our product) and after all my silent whining (I actually don’t do a lot of whining at work…I reserve it for here because I know all of you love it so much) I am finally included on one of these late-night deals. It seemed that my boss and one of my co-workers were always getting that kind of fun…the late night calls with code drops done during the maintenance window. Seemed like it was important stuff and I couldn’t figure out why I was getting continually looked over and left out. So now I finally got what I wanted…and it came a one of the worst possible weeks. I’m still slowly recovering from all the blah and nausea, and I won’t get into my body NOT responding to birth control pills and selecting it’s own extended wash cycle (again…but I said I wouldn’t get into it), and the kids, and the animals, and the puke, dear God the PUKE!, and the lack of husband to run interference should a child get up while I’m up on this call, or the lack of husband to get the children up quietly in the morning and shuffle them off to school so that I can grab a few extra winks of sleep before going into work. So here I am, because I couldn’t get myself to fall asleep a couple hours ago, and by the time I finally felt tired, I was afraid to sleep for fear I wouldn’t get up for the call. I’m really hoping that I don’t need to stay on until 3am when the audit guy arrives…because that will only give me about three hours of sleep before I have to get up and attempt to get myself at least showered before my early-bird children awake (like this morning, when Cooper got up at 5am instead of his 6:30am…and Gavin was up at 6:15am instead of closer to 7am…WTH?).

Also found out that once Justin leaves at 6am (10am EDT) for Kiana, I won’t have any way of reaching him as they do not seem to have any cell towers. No email, no phone. What the hell did I let him spend that much money for his phone if I can’t reach him in Alaska? I’m going to have to talk to Verizon Wireless about extending their coverage…heck…that would be a huge PR thing for underserved areas, eh? For extra fun, I also thought I could try to discuss a sticky subject with my husband while we were 4,200 miles away from each other. Turns out that was stupid and pointless and I don’t believe he heard a word I said besides the one or two items that pissed him off to no end. And now I don’t know when I’ll have any chance of speaking to him before I show up at the airport to pick him up Sunday afternoon. I swear, I really don’t make things easy on myself…and I am excellent at creating a scenario where things go very wrong very fast without realizing it until it’s too late. I think I may add that to my resume. It’s got to be a quality needed in some field of work, right?

On a totally unrelated note whatsoever, I’m considering doing a fundraiser for the Red Cross to benefit the victims of the cyclone in Myanmar…keep an eye out for that. I’ll have it up once I get the details ironed out. I was also decent enough to get myself to the store to purchase nice, thoughtful Mother’s Day cards to send out since I was an idiot and forgot about ordering the moms their mothers’ day gifts until it was too late…so they won’t get their gifts until probably well-after Sunday…sorry guys! Your cards might be late, too, since I suck. But please, blame it on the puke because that’s what started the whole mess.

And on that, I leave you with this:


About the Author

Colleen

This is a blog where I will share my adventures and mundane tasks as a work-out-of-home-mom. I now have 2 kids and my wonderful husband, so the juggling has gotten a little bit more tricky (man-on-man defense). We also have 2 dogs and 3 cats (we used to have 4) so as you can imagine, our household is pretty busy. Since I never feel like I'm being listened to, I figured I'll just start talking at the general Internet community and see what happens.

7 Comments

Madame Queen

Hang in there, girl! I hope you got some sleep.

does hubby have email access? Can you email him to smooth things over before you pick him up? I’m always saying things that as soon as they’re out of my mouth I realize I shouldn’t have said them.

Marti

Alright girl. I habe NO idea how you do it. Your days are making me sooo sleepy.
I think you need a weekend off! With spa treatment! Tell your hubby I said that.

Jesse

My husband’s a MASTER at screwing things up when there’s no time to resolve it. It’ll smooth out, don’t worry.
Partying with the big dogs at midnight, huh? Somehow thought you’d feel better about it, right? Be careful what you wish for, my friend. I do hope you managed some sleep!!! You’ve had such a tough time lately, you MUST be in contention for the SuperWoman award.

Karen

Funny how when you get exactly what you want, it’s not what you wanted at all.

Maya

They make up for their puke in cuteness right? 🙂 Geez Justin better be bringing back some expensive Mommy wine for you!!!

Law Student Hot Mama

When we last got The Stomach Thing, it was November and we all barfed for 24 hours, but felt incredibly uncomfortable for about a week or two after. I swear it took forever before I could eat a real meal and not feel like death. Those damn things take a long time to recover from.

Also, pet yak is very unsavory . . . and around my pad, it’s usually done somewhere white and uncleanable.

HAWT!

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