Things That Freak Me Out

just in case you needed a list…

So, I’ve been off the radar a bit, as we’ve had a lot going on around…most of which happens on a constant basis, but it’s the fun, tiny details which make it that much harder at times, right? As usual, Justin’s been out of town…that so-call four-week project has progressed into 5+who-knows-how-many-more-weeks. Let’s just chalk that mess up to our less-than-efficient government. Gavin got the stomach flu (or maybe food poisoning?) last Friday, I’ve been feeling a bit “off” myself, and I’ve been busier than ever at work. In fact, a few nights ago, I got the pleasure of not just doing some work from about 8:30pm until about 10:30 or 11pm like I often do a few times per week, but got to work from 8:30pm until 3am. THAT? Was a very long day, indeed. So I thought I would make it up to you by having a good reason to point and laugh at me.

I’m normally a person that is easily startled. Justin has scared me so many times unintentionally that I swore I was going to put a cat collar on him so that I can hear him coming. I also get spooked easily because I have a ridiculously overactive imagination and I watch WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY too much cop dramas on TV. This is not usually a big problem because I normally make Justin investigate any weird noises I hear, or to go outside at night. But since he’s been gone, I’ve had to be the one to go outside at night to turn off the hose or go investigate strange noises. Thankfully the dogs, especially my dumb-dumb Ginger, are more than happy to accompany me outside…along with my trusty 2-foot, 5-pound Maglite (sucker takes four D batteries!).

Since we’re getting into that Halloween time of year, I thought some of you might be interested in what forces me to swallow my fear and face the unknown in order to protect the kids and my house.

And because I like lists.

  • When Gavin says “Mommy, I just heard someone say /insert very strange fear-building noise/ to Ginger outside”. Now, I did ask Gavin what he meant…did he mean that someone walking on the sidewalk past our yard made a funny noise at the dogs while they were out there? No? Did he see someone in our yard? Yes? Maybe? You’re not sure? Did he see anyone at all? No. But he was sure he heard this noise. So I grab the Maglite (even though it was still light out), and start walking towards the back door, puffing out my chest and trying to look taller than my actual 5’1″. Just as I’m about to yank open the door and jump out all ninja-like, he says, “oh Mommy, it was just that big bee out there making that noise!” I look at him confused and disarmed, “what?” Gavin responds, “Mommy, it was our big bee that was making that funny noise at Ginger.” I’m still a little confused. “Wait, you mean the bee?” And he sighs tiredly like I’m some daft creature, “yes, Mommy–it was the bee.” I look towards my potted herbs just outside the back door and sure enough “our” big bumble bee was out there buzzing its fool head off.
  • When I pull up to the house after being at work all day and see the big garage door wide open. If a lawnmower is missing, then I’m usually okay because friends of ours borrow it…but they don’t usually during the week. And they usually close the door behind them when we’re not home. So this means either (a) when Justin left for the week, the sun was in that “sweet spot” and shined right into the garage sensor, thus causing it to bounce right back up as if there was something underneath it; or (b) some crazed killer is in our house, ransacking the place, making off with our adorable dogs, my laptop, and they probably have also peed on the carpet and furniture because what else would crazed killers do? In this case, I pull in the garage and lock the kids in the car, telling them I need to check the house and will be back out to get them in a minute. Then, since my Maglite has probably been swiped by the killers, I go in there with my car key sticking out of my clenched fist like a Wolverine claw. As I walk in, I find that all five animals are accounted-for, as well as my Maglite, and I don’t smell any pee that isn’t related to the litterboxes in the basement. I do a quick run-through, ripping open closet doors and stomping around to sound as big as possible. This seems to work as I’ve yet to encounter any crazed killers stupid enough to mess with me when I do this.
  • When I pull into the garage and even though the big door is closed, the door into the house is open. This seems to freak me out even more than the big door being open–I think partly because I’m so stunned to not find both dogs and all three cats in the garage as the big door opens. This also entails me to “clear” the house as detailed above.
  • When not only I hear a strange noise late at night, but when I see all five animals’ head whip around toward that same strange noise. At that point, I pull the blankets over my head and command the dogs to “get it!” because, as we all know, Boston Terriers are awesome and viscous watchdogs. At least compared to the cats.
  • When I see our back gate open. None of our utility meters are located in the back yard, so it really skeeves me out to know that someone was in our backyard. This causes me to suit-up with the Maglite again, and go make sure some wicked creature of the night hasn’t taken up roost under our deck, waiting to pop out and break into the house to kill me and the kids in our sleep.
  • And finally, when this happens unexpectedly:
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About the Author

Colleen

This is a blog where I will share my adventures and mundane tasks as a work-out-of-home-mom. I now have 2 kids and my wonderful husband, so the juggling has gotten a little bit more tricky (man-on-man defense). We also have 2 dogs and 3 cats (we used to have 4) so as you can imagine, our household is pretty busy. Since I never feel like I'm being listened to, I figured I'll just start talking at the general Internet community and see what happens.

16 Comments

Melisa

SHUT UP! Did this happen unexpectedly to you, or are you being a tease??

Congrats!!!

(Do you have to change the name of your blog now, for 9 months? I suggest “Grape Juice, Please!”)

Wendy

Wow!!! Didn’t see that coming… Congratulations! And, um, yeah, right now? I think that would freak me out more than someone actually robbing our house. In fact, I think I just got a mild panic attack in seeing the two lines. But, yay for you! 🙂

LL

OHMYGOSH! Congrats Colleen!! Unexpected can be good right? I know a little about that myself…

Wow, I’m still spinning over the last bullet – and to think I was composing a comment regarding your brave foray out into your yard with your flashlight to attack any would-be crazy killers. I would have just cowered in the house.

Nicole

OMG, OMG, OMG! CONGRATULATIONS! I am so freakin’ excited for you!

And, dude . . . I have a serious love for my Maglite. My kids have blown through a ridiculous number of batteries, so instead of replacing them, I use hubby’s rechargable flashlight in my left hand, and my Maglite in my right . . . I may not be able to see anything with it, but you better believe it is going to leave a mark on anything I swing it at! I am a serious wuss as well . . . many times when Frank is out-of-town I will go to bed with the kids becasue I am scarred of all the noises and what-not around the house. And God help me if one of the kids gets out of bed and wanders in the night!

Marci

Congratulations!!! Way to announce it! (I knew there was a good reason I clicked over to your actual site instead of reading this on Facebook.)

Uncle Pat

I had pictures running through my head while I read about one of the spaghetti arm girls being the first line of defense; then I saw your picture and found out you actually did smell pee (OK that was a stretch). Three and counting – time to move back home so we can see them grow up.

caramama

WHAT??? Congratulations!!!

That’s so awesome (even if you did list it under things that freak you out)!

Comments are closed.