Had Enough Poop?

I just told Justin that he and one of the cats are the only ones who haven’t gotten some sort of bodily discharge on me.
Wanna hear more? With that kind of intro, how could you not???

• 4:30am this morning, our friends’ dog, Khali (who is staying with us while they are out of town), put her big ol’ nose and paw on me, indicating she had to go out. I told her to buzz off and went back to sleep.
• At 5am-ish, I thought I smelled something suspiciously poopie…but I chalked it up to Ginger’s smelly butt and turned over back to sleep.
• 6:20am Justin is in the kitchen and calls me over the phone intercom-thingy to tell me that Khali had explosive diarrhea on the steps. I groggily ask, “and I’m supposed to clean it?” He answered in the affirmative and added that if he touched it, he would probably puke from the smell. Yay! Thanks! I can’t wait!
• Ten minutes later I was cleaning up the diarrhea…after an hour, I got 99% of it cleaned up and ran to get ready for work. Thank goodness school is finally out, because it only took me 45 minutes to get there without using the HOV lane (Justin took Cooper to school this a.m. because there was no way to corral him while I got ready for school).
• I leave work about 5:30pm and don’t get home until nearly 7pm. I walk in the door and Gavin says “hey mommy! watch out! Khali pooped!” and pointed out the smelly pile of butt-explosion on my kitchen area rug. I shoot a dirty look at Justin that he kept the poop for me to clean up. Again. This time the damage is so bad that we had to throw out the whole rug and rug pad.
• So Justin takes the rug and rug pad out to the neighbor’s dumpster, and I finish cleaning up the floor. I bring the waste from the cleanup out to the garage. Justin and I walk back in the house together and Gavin is sprawled on the floor, laying on his side and wailing that he fell. Turns out he slipped on the wet floor where I just cleaned up the poop and fell.
• Turns out he also had a potty accident at school…yay, more smelly laundry.
• While Justin brings Khali home (sorry pup…can’t do more exploding diarrhea), I get the kids cleaned up for bed, get Gavin in bed and settle down to give Cooper his milk. He sucked it down so fast that he gags and pukes all over both of us. Glad I didn’t start that load of laundry for Gavin!
• I come downstairs and see that one of the cats has yakked in his food bowl (again) and another one sneezed in my face when I greeted him.
• Maggie sees one of her balls behind the baker’s rack and gets so crazed about it that she starts sneezing and snotting on me.
• I mop the floor one last time and sit down with some popcorn and chocolate milk, which brings the mooch, Ginger, who drools on me until I chase her off. And clean up the couch where some of the drool landed.

Now I’m going to finish the laundry, go to bed, and see if maybe I can stay poop/puke/sneeze/drool-free for a few hours.

I know I joke about all of the cleaning, but I’m completely serious about helping all those folks in the Mid-West, who at this point, have hardly begun to clean up behind the floods. Please help them here.