What I’ve Learned and What I Wish

Okay, I finally got my act together to write this post after being tagged by Marcy at the Upstate Update, who was tagged by Anne at Archie’s Room, and if I read everything correctly, are participating in the Bring it Down 31 for 21.  I kept trying to figure out what I’d write, especially since all the blogs I went back through this tag-line were mothers of children with Down Syndrome.  My two boys will most likely never have some of the same sorts of challenges as their children…and (this is a sad state of our society), will probably not be pre-judged by their appearance in the same manner as their children.  So I’ve been at a loss on what to write since, well, okay…I’m just going to end up writing myself into a circle so I hope all of you out there understand how weird I am and how weird I’m being and maybe have a slight understanding of why.  Now I’ll just shut-up and get on with the real meat of this post:

What I’ve Learned

As a mother of a three year old and a three month old, I’ve learned that I just.cannot.do.it.all.  When I only had Gavin, I thought I was busy-busy-so busy with a kid and a full-time job and a commute and a husband to love and pets to feed once in a while.  When I was pregnant with Cooper, and was larger than life (I actually looked like I had a gigantic nursery incubator attached to the front of me), I still managed to take care of Gavin, take care of Justin, take care of both dogs, and all four cats (including one slowly dying of cancer), work full-time, have a ridiculous 3-hour per day commute, have a jewelry business on the side, and somehow still have time to shower and moan about how uncomfortable I was (since feisty Cooper liked to punch and seemingly scratch the inside of the bottom of my uterus…yes, scratch…you weren’t in there with him so you don’t know…although I was so big, you might’ve been in there with him, so if you know what he was doing, please let me know since the docs wouldn’t let me get a sonogram just to see what he was doing in there). 

Now?  Well, now I’ve had to relinquish a lot of Gavin’s care to Justin (and he’s been doing a fantastic job, too) because I’ve got Cooper-duty full-time, I’ve been doing a poor job of taking care of Justin (believe me, I’m trying, Honey!), I still have full-time care of the animals (although we are now minus-one cat), my jewelry business has been tanking (although, in my defense, I have been trying…sorta…*sigh*), I’m still working full-time with that awful commute (that gives me material), and I’m happy if I can get a shower every-other day.  Hard to believe that adding one very little person (well, not that little, he was 14 lbs and 24 inches this past Wednesday) makes such a HUGE difference.  I was totally not expecting that.

I’m a bit of a control-freak (that wishes she was a clean-freak instead) that has had a hard time giving up things.  I know that it will be easier once Cooper is a little older and (hopefully) less colicky and sensitive to new experiences, but it’s hard to wait.  Plus, my house is a perpetual mess and my husband is a perpetual nag about the mess (hi there…I love you) and since he’s been taking a class (and studying like crazy so he’s not home much), Gavin and I have resorted to eating anything that takes 5 minutes or less in the microwave for dinner.  I usually eat a few bites of this so-called dinner with Gavin while I nurse Cooper and make sure Gavin eats the barely-nutritious food I’ve given him.  It’s not been easy.  So I’ve learned that I need to let these things go a bit since the situation I’m in is temporary (well, not the two kids, I hope…they’re permanent…but the whole stupid-busy with hardly a husband right now is temporary).  I also learned that I need to let things be handled by someone else and I’ve learned to ask for help (thanks again, Kari and Dave, for watching Cooper while I ran willy-nilly to the vet on Saturday with Gavin and Ginger). 

What I Wish

What do I wish for my boys?  Well, I wish for them to have compassion and empathy for others.  I wish for them to be kind to everyone they meet, but to also be strong enough to deal properly with those that might try to take advantage of their kind hearts.  I wish for them to NOT have my temper, but hope that they get some of my sense of humor (as lame as it may be, it’s kind of nice and sugary to be as easily amused as I am) and some of their dad’s sense of humor (though maybe not all of it, since he is weird and warped and I love him…heh!…and I’d hate to think of either of my kids using the term “POOT” anywhere near my presence).  I wish for them to be bright and clever and to not be too shy.  Finally, I really wish for them to be happy…to know that Justin and I “raised them right” and that they don’t hate us and spend thousands of dollars in therapy due to our parenting.

So who am I tagging?  I think I will be really bold and tag Maya at the Laurent Files since this seems to be something she would enjoy writing (she writes beautiful letters to her adorable son, Zane, and she’s lovely and reads my rantings & ravings), I’ll tag Leandra at Madame Queen since she is so wonderful as to read and comment as well (and I’m tagging myself from her meme…look for it hopefully tomorrow), and I will tag Tricia at Unringing the Bell since it doesn’t look like anyone else tagged her for this assignment (and she’s the originator of 31 for 21).  I’d tag my husband, but he’d probably drop f-bombs about it and whine and complain that he is creatively tapped-out (hi Honey, still reading?  I still LOVE you!).