Letters While Driving 6

Yes, I am a bit ill-mannered today…after a rough week of unfulfilling issues at work (hate when I just can’t get things fixed), bad traffic, severe sleep deprivation, and crabby kids, I was not about to put up with people’s crappy driving.

Dear Effing Sniggy B**** in the White Yaris:

I understand that where you need to be is WAY more important than where I need to be, so I apologize for my hostility when you tore-up the right-hand turn lane just to cut me off in the straight-lane next to you. I sometimes lose my temper when people completely forget the rules of the road and put other drivers at risk, which is why I shouted filthy profanities, gestured wildly, and honked my horn at you. Silly me, I forgot that even though I am only a half car-length behind the vehicle in front of me, going 50 mph, that you have the right-of-way to squeeze in front of me. Obviously I should have recognized your importance, what, with your bunch-load of scratches and dents on a vehicle that can’t be more than 2 years old (considering that your car model was first introduced with Toyota’s 2007 model-year).

Sincerely,

A Driver that is Glad Her Kids Weren’t With Her (No need for them to witness a royal smack-down at their young ages)

Dear Punk in the Red Explorer:

Maybe you’re illiterate. Maybe English is not your first language. Maybe you’re just a puffed-up idiot that thinks they’re too important to read the 5 signs that specify “Right Turn Only in Right Lane” or the 7 painted right arrows painted on the lane. Either way, since you think you don’t need to wait in line with the rest of us, you did not get to squeeze in front of me, who had been waiting in line patiently for the past 10 minutes. In a school zone. You should be happy that the police officer sitting near the elementary school didn’t see you and that I was too tired to tattle on you (and I totally would have! yeah, I was in that kind of mood!).

Sincerely,

A Driver Tired of Yielding to Self-Righteous Jerks.

Dear Knucklehead in the Ginormous SUV Behind Me in the HOV Lane:

I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated you driving so incredibly close behind me while doing 72mph in the HOV lane with my baby in the back staringat you. You were so close I could see in my rear-view mirror that your little soul patch is slightly crooked and that you have stained teeth. You were also so close that I couldn’t tell who made your SUV until when you decided to try to pass me even though there was no room in the lane next to us for you to squeeze in, nor was the traffic in that lane moving quicker than me in the crowded morning rush. I must commend you for your skill and willingness to ride my back bumper so close at such a high rate of speed–in fact, the only way you could’ve been closer is if I opened my trunk to let you climb on in. Next time I see you , I just might do that.

Sincerely,

A Driver Who Swears There Were Magnets on the Back of Her Car

Dear Roche at DC101:

Thanks for today’s Doo Doo Time Spectacular. I laughed hysterically through the first 10 bars of the song, which is what I needed after driving with the above-mentioned yahoos.

Sincerely,

A Driver Who is a Long Time DDTS Listener

About the Author

Colleen

This is a blog where I will share my adventures and mundane tasks as a work-out-of-home-mom. I now have 2 kids and my wonderful husband, so the juggling has gotten a little bit more tricky (man-on-man defense). We also have 2 dogs and 3 cats (we used to have 4) so as you can imagine, our household is pretty busy. Since I never feel like I'm being listened to, I figured I'll just start talking at the general Internet community and see what happens.

7 Comments

Karen

Must be the day for idiots. We dealt with some royal ones today, too. Ours was total weather related, but for the love of chocolate, you CAN drive faster than 15 mph on snow!

Flea

Oh. Oh. OH. I don’t swear, as a rule, but I say some pretty nasty things to other drivers. And I stay close when someone’s trying to cut. Oh GRRRRRR!!!!

Colleen

Karen–nope…no bad weather…just sunny and cold.
Flea–I don’t usually, but that woman was so bad that all sorts of stuff came flowing forth–again, glad the kids weren’t in the car.

Elena

hi colleen, I came here through a comment you left at Tootsie Farklepants asking about self tanner–wanted to stop by and tell you that I swear by the Jergens lotion with the mild tanner in it–no or very little smell and the color builds up gradually so there is no danger of waking up and looking in the mirror and seeing an orange Jessica Simpson staring back at you!

Burgh Baby's Mom

How can the people that I was dealing with all last week also be where you are? Are they clones? Or just really fast drivers that can get back and forth quickly?

Colleen

Elena–thanks! I’ll have to take a look next time I’m at the store.
Tootsie–thank you…my coworkers live relatively close to our office and just.don’t.get.it.
BBM–my bet is that they are the really fast jerk-driving idiots that made it between our two metropolitan areas within a matter of a couple hours. I suspect that the ones I saw in the morning were the ones you saw in the evening and vice-versa.

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