Dear Smelly 1984 Mazda In Front of Me at the Toll Booth:
I totally get that you are saving a lot of money by owning a car older than you. And I’m sure that you think you’re saving on gas by driving a small car, but whatever you’re saving in gas is being spent on refilling your oil. I’m not sure who smells more, you or me, but at least I have my Smart Tag/EZ-Pass and don’t make cars wait behind me at the toll booth, stinkin’ all over them. You, obviously, didn’t get the memo.
A Concerned (about gagging in her lap from your smell) Driver
Dear Little Green Elantra Sporting the “Watch More Anime” Sticker:
After freeing myself from behind our smelly friend above, I was blessed enough to drive behind you for several miles. Judging from your distinct driving style, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe you watched too much anime.
You seemed to think that jersey walls were for banking corners where there were no corners, and I’m quite sure I saw that your eyes were bugged out taking up four-fifths of your face. Maybe you actually were an anime.
Dear HOV Enforcement Officer:
I want to thank you for pulling me over yesterday morning as I was flying down the HOV lane, Cooper safely ensconced in his carseat behind me. I know I have passed you nearly every day in the past two weeks because last week as I shot by you at 70mph while you were standing outside your squad car counting heads in passing cars, you hopped up onto the doorframe of your car to better see my rear-facing infant. I would like to think that after seeing me all those times and craning your neck every time I passed you, that you would remember a hot-lookin’ lady in her smelly blue car and vanity plates. I would also like to think you pulled me over just to get a better look at me and had your heart crushed when you saw my wedding ring. So thanks for makin’ my day and letting me see your sweet 20-year old face. And then ruining it by calling me Ma’am.
Love Lukewarm Feelings,
Lawful HOT HOV Driver
To All the Drivers Who Stayed Home Today:
I love you for staying home for whatever your reasons. I was able to get to work, and swing by McDonald’s for some breakfast, in under an hour. There were no reported accidents on my entire route the entire day. I was able to get home without sitting through 6 cycles of a particular light. And for that…MWAH! MWAH!
Now if all of you could just stay home for the rest of my tenure at my current employer, I would really appreciate it. And so would my gas mileage. And my family (nothing like a happy mommy!).
Lots of Love and Tender Hugs,
A Very Happy and Content Mommy Driver
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