Letters While Driving 8

Dear Smelly 1984 Mazda In Front of Me at the Toll Booth:
I totally get that you are saving a lot of money by owning a car older than you. And I’m sure that you think you’re saving on gas by driving a small car, but whatever you’re saving in gas is being spent on refilling your oil. I’m not sure who smells more, you or me, but at least I have my Smart Tag/EZ-Pass and don’t make cars wait behind me at the toll booth, stinkin’ all over them. You, obviously, didn’t get the memo.

Sinerely,
A Concerned (about gagging in her lap from your smell) Driver

Dear Little Green Elantra Sporting the “Watch More Anime” Sticker:
After freeing myself from behind our smelly friend above, I was blessed enough to drive behind you for several miles. Judging from your distinct driving style, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe you watched too much anime.
You seemed to think that jersey walls were for banking corners where there were no corners, and I’m quite sure I saw that your eyes were bugged out taking up four-fifths of your face. Maybe you actually were an anime.

Kindest Regards,
Pikachu Colleen

Dear HOV Enforcement Officer:
I want to thank you for pulling me over yesterday morning as I was flying down the HOV lane, Cooper safely ensconced in his carseat behind me. I know I have passed you nearly every day in the past two weeks because last week as I shot by you at 70mph while you were standing outside your squad car counting heads in passing cars, you hopped up onto the doorframe of your car to better see my rear-facing infant. I would like to think that after seeing me all those times and craning your neck every time I passed you, that you would remember a hot-lookin’ lady in her smelly blue car and vanity plates. I would also like to think you pulled me over just to get a better look at me and had your heart crushed when you saw my wedding ring. So thanks for makin’ my day and letting me see your sweet 20-year old face. And then ruining it by calling me Ma’am.

All My Love Lukewarm Feelings,
A Totally Lawful HOT HOV Driver

To All the Drivers Who Stayed Home Today:
I love you for staying home for whatever your reasons. I was able to get to work, and swing by McDonald’s for some breakfast, in under an hour. There were no reported accidents on my entire route the entire day. I was able to get home without sitting through 6 cycles of a particular light. And for that…MWAH! MWAH!
Now if all of you could just stay home for the rest of my tenure at my current employer, I would really appreciate it. And so would my gas mileage. And my family (nothing like a happy mommy!).

Lots of Love and Tender Hugs,
A Very Happy and Content Mommy Driver

To My “Suns Out, Guns Out” Construction Worker:
I miss you! The End.

About the Author

Colleen

This is a blog where I will share my adventures and mundane tasks as a work-out-of-home-mom. I now have 2 kids and my wonderful husband, so the juggling has gotten a little bit more tricky (man-on-man defense). We also have 2 dogs and 3 cats (we used to have 4) so as you can imagine, our household is pretty busy. Since I never feel like I'm being listened to, I figured I'll just start talking at the general Internet community and see what happens.

9 Comments

Tranny Head

Man – I was on 95 South in VA below the mixing bowl stuck in a traffic jam once and I saw some douchebag guy try to cut over to those express lanes to avoid the disaster and this state trooper MAGICALLY APPEARED and pulled him over.

THAT made my day.

LaskiGal

Hey . . . don’t hold it against them for calling you ma’am. I don’t think anyone under 25 knows what to call us . . . Miss just sounds odd.

Who cares anyway.You know he thought you were a hot mama . . .

Jen T.

I’m 24 and I get called ma’am too. You are not alone! 🙂
PS- I like anime and I don’t drive like a crazy person, although I also don’t dress up and attend the conventions either. Maybe that’s the difference. ^_^

Karen

That cop totally wanted a closer look at you. And was too stunned by your hawtness to remember what he was doing and fell back on his training.

Honestly, I don’t know how you deal with that stuff every day. I get frustrated driving into Podunkville at 5:00 on Friday evening.

Flea

Brutal! I so don’t miss that aspect of living near D.C. A big reason we moved was the Hunny’s hour and a half commute each way every day. We had two babies who had no clue who dad was. Hated Florida, and commute there grew worse with time.

Marti

See again I am not missing that DC traffic. Here they call traffic a 10 minute backup. Yeah not so much.

ascapecodturns

Funny! I love how the guy was using the jersey barriers as turning tools when there were no turns. Rather be a hot Ma’am then just another pulled over person.

caramama

I hate DC traffic. Thankfully, it will lighten a bit in the summer. A bit.

That officer totally thought you were hot!!!

Comments are closed.