World Domination and the Quest for Honey

It seems that Target and Starbucks are attempting World Domination.  Or at least the Yuppie-Part-of-Town Domination.  Up until Sunday, we had two area Target stores, both about 5 miles from my house.  There was the old crappy one attached to the mall, kind of cool in itself, but it’s not managed well and the clientele (and pseudo-clientele) are a bit, well…it just looks crappy.  Plus, it is only a Target Greatland.  Then they built the new Super Target 5 miles north of me.  It opened maybe 3 years ago.  Nice, clean, well-kept, and it has a Starbucks inside.  If they were really smart, they’d pass out free or discounted Starbucks to all the shoppers, much like you can get free or really-cheap drinks at the casinos in Las Vegas.  But I digress.

So we have New Target.  And we shop it all the time and avoid the Dirty Target like the plague.  I will even pass up Dirty Target to get prescriptions filled at New Target.  Dirty Target is located in “Ma-Nasty” and has dirty men walking around leering and muttering at the ladies in the store…these men are not shopping.  They also do not work there.  Nor do they seem to have jobs anywhere else.  New Target doesn’t have that kind of riff-raff…and um, it’s also not along the local bus line.

Well, this Sunday, they opened The Best Target In The World about three miles from me.  At first, I was a little skeptical of another Target.  But then I went there last night and was there for nearly 90 minutes, just in awe of the wider aisles, the lovely easier-to-maneuver carts, the even MORE aisles of product that I don’t really need to buy but think I gotta have, and another Starbucks…which brings me to my next point:  We now have approximately 8 Starbucks within a 5-mile radius of my house…three of them within.the.same.shopping.center. 


click to see my beautiful powerpoint skills
Yesterday I took the day off to get my annual check-up, and figured I’d throw in a facial since I got gift cards for my birthday for the spa, and get my hair cut, since it was looking pretty ragged and the color in sorry shape (as you may see here).  So I get up, get showered and ready, and head out just in time to stop at the first Starbucks near my house to try their new Honey Latte before the doctor’s office (ahem, doctor office #2 for those of you using the handy-dandy map).  I walk into the grocery store and see a nice little sign on the Starbucks counter indicating that they are unable to do any espresso drinks.  WTH????Well, now I don’t have enough time to stop at any of the three other Starbucks on my way to the doctor’s office because of the way that shopping center is set up for parking and where the Starbucks are located, etc.  So I grumble that they should have a large sign posted outside the grocery store so that I didn’t waste my time parking and walking in the building.I get to the doctor’s office at 10am for my 10:15am check-up.  I sit in the waiting room until 10:30am.  Then I sit half-nekkid in the exam room until 11am.  Just about the time I was going to step out of my room in that cute little piece of cloth they like to call a robe to holler for some service, the nurse practitioner comes in, does her exam, answers my questions, and walks out less than 10 minutes later.  I get dressed, wait all day to check-out (not sure why since I didn’t need to pay or make another appointment) and run-out because it’s now 11:20am and my facial is at 11:30am way out in Ma-nasty.  I arrive just at 11:30am, apologizing profusely.  My aesthetician pats me, loves me, hands me a cup of something that passes as coffee and instructs me to take a breath because I am there to RELAX!  I almost hugged her.

An hour later I am exfoliated, hydrated, dewy and relaxed.  I get passed off to my stylist for my haircut a little late (pics will be coming later on), and walk out of there at 2:30pm with nicer color and fancier cut, and a huge hunger!  Man, I was starving!  I still had errands to run and the only Starbucks in Ma-Nasty is in the opposite direction of my errands, so I just fulfill my entire week’s worth of calories with a Big Mac and some Sweet Tea.  Then I get my errands done, pick up the kids from daycare, run back to pick up Justin so we can get the truck from the shop (just preventive maintenance), get back home about 5pm…just in time to prepare dinner, eat, get the kids to bed and wonder where the day went.  I realize I have a couple hours to run to check out the new Target and head on out there at nearly 8:30pm.  I shop around for a bit before running over to the grocery area to pick up the few things we actually NEED (versus the rest of the items in my cart).  I spot the Starbucks and rush over, thinking a nice decaf Honey Latte might be a yummy nightcap.  Nope.  It was already 9pm.  What???  I just walked in the door?  How can I have lost some 45 minutes??? 

So I go home, defeated in my quest for a Honey Latte.  I make Justin ooh-and-awww over my purchases, and vow to pick up a coffee the following morning before work.

I wake up this morning, get ready, get Cooper ready, try to feed him (no-go, since he decided to eat at 4:45am), smile at the clock as I start making my lunch.  Suddenly I hear a suspicious grunt from Cooper.  Yep…the Poop Grunt, complete with the Poop Grin.  I sigh, pour a cup of coffee into a travel mug, then change the poopie baby.

I get to work, get on a ton of conference calls, then at 3pm, I run out to the Starbucks to get a freakin’ Honey Latte.  I get in there, smell the calming smells of the coffee shop, place my order, and nearly wiggle in anticipation.  Then I spy this guy…yeah, the guy with dreads and boots at the Safeway the other week who was in the chip aisle when I finally found my Buffalo Bleu chips.  He keeps showing up anytime I get a treat I really really really want!!!  I think I’m going to fold him up and put him in my pocket so that I can pull him out to magically bless me with whatever snacks I want!

Oh, and the Honey Latte?  TOTALLY worth all the trouble!  Way yummy.  *happy sigh*

for those of you keeping track, that was my third Starbucks before I could successfully  get that drink–and it wasn’t one of the eight located near my house.

About the Author


This is a blog where I will share my adventures and mundane tasks as a work-out-of-home-mom. I now have 2 kids and my wonderful husband, so the juggling has gotten a little bit more tricky (man-on-man defense). We also have 2 dogs and 3 cats (we used to have 4) so as you can imagine, our household is pretty busy. Since I never feel like I'm being listened to, I figured I'll just start talking at the general Internet community and see what happens.


Madame Queen

Oh, I love the honey lattes. I can’t wait til it warms up a little so I can try the iced ones. Yum.

What is up with that guy being everywhere you are? Is he the snack fairy or something?

Burgh Baby's Mom

You have got some MAD PowerPoint skillz, woman. Maybe YOU should be trying to create this training on the Disciplinary policy instead of me. You would make it more fun than I can, that’s for sure.

So you say I should try the Honey Latte. I’ll have to ponder that the next time I’m at the only Starbucks within a five mile radius of my house. Said five mile radius includes absolutely NO Targets, not even a crappy one. In fact, we only have crappy ones because Greatlands and Super Targets DO NOT EXIST IN PA. It’s so not fair.


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